My sheets look like a crime scene.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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