I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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