Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize