Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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