my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
