btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
