is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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