plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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