John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
A+ Viking dick
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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