Banned from zoo.
Again?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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