so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
