you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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