It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
she peed on how many people?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
