so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
