he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
