I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
