i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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