Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
