Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
