i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
