I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
