you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
The power of my boobs compel you
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
