Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
