Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
