Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
