Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
