Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
