Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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