Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
