I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
