I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
