I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
