Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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