I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
