Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
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