everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
