Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
