Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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