I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
