I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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