Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
