dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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