Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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