This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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