So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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