Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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