1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
