So drunk its hurt
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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