i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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