I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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