Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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